My Perimenopause at Work: I Nearly Resigned

I was in the bathroom at work, having my third hot flash of the day, trying to cool down under the sink, and I made a decision. I was going to quit. I was done. I could not do this anymore. I could not spend eight hours a day managing perimenopause symptoms while also trying to do my job. I could not keep having hot flashes in meetings. I could not keep having brain fog that made it impossible to focus. I could not keep managing mood swings that made me irritable with my colleagues. I was 46 years old, I had worked for this company for seven years, and I was about to throw it all away because I could not figure out how to manage my hormones at work.

How I got here

Work had become a minefield for me. I work as a project manager, which requires focus, communication, and emotional regulation. All of which were being destroyed by my perimenopause symptoms. The hot flashes were the most obvious problem. I would be in a meeting and suddenly feel my face flush and sweat start pouring down my back. I would turn bright red. Everyone could see it. I was convinced that everyone was noticing and judging me. The brain fog made it hard to track multiple projects at once, something that was core to my job. I would forget details that I should remember. I would have to ask people to repeat things. I was making mistakes. The mood swings were perhaps the hardest to manage. I would be fine and then suddenly irritable at something small. I snapped at a colleague last week because she asked me a question when I was in the middle of something. I felt terrible immediately, but I could not fully explain that it was my hormones without sounding like I was making excuses. I was exhausted by all of it. The effort of managing perimenopause AND doing my job was unsustainable.

What I actually did

That day, standing in the bathroom under the sink trying to cool down, I decided I would start looking for a new job. Maybe something less demanding. Maybe something part-time. Maybe something where I did not have to manage as much or be as visible. I went home that day and I updated my resume. I started looking at job postings. But then I talked to my husband. He asked me why I was looking for a new job and I broke down. I told him that I could not manage perimenopause and my current job at the same time. He asked me if I had talked to my doctor about HRT. I said no, I had wanted to try to manage it naturally. He said, 'What if you talked to your doctor before you made a major career change? What if there was a solution that did not involve leaving your job?' That simple question stopped me cold. I was about to make a major life decision based on the assumption that my symptoms were unmanageable. What if they were actually manageable with treatment? I was terrified to tell my boss about what was happening. I work in a male-dominated field. I have worked hard to be taken seriously and to prove myself as capable. I was convinced that mentioning perimenopause would undermine all of that. He would think I was unstable. He would think I was weak. He would think I could not handle my responsibilities. He would use it against me somehow. I had been white-knuckling through my symptoms at work, trying to hide the fact that I was struggling. But it became impossible to hide. I was having memory lapses during meetings. I was having brain fog during important meetings. I was having anxiety and irritability that I could not hide. I was making mistakes that I would never have made before. I was exhausted by the effort it took to appear competent when I was falling apart. I started dreading going to work. I was waking up with anxiety about the day ahead. I was coming home completely drained.

What actually changed

I made an appointment with my doctor and I said yes to HRT. I had been reluctant before, but at this point, I was willing to try anything. Within four weeks of starting HRT, my hot flashes had decreased dramatically. The brain fog improved. My mood was more stable. I stopped snapping at people. I was able to focus at work again. Everything changed. I did not need to change my job. I just needed to get treatment for the underlying issue that was making my job feel impossible. Looking back, I almost quit a job I actually like because I was not willing to get medical treatment for my symptoms. That was a sobering realization. I realized that sometimes the most important thing we can do for ourselves is to actually get help instead of just pushing through. After that conversation with my boss, things shifted. He was supportive. He helped me arrange a more flexible schedule so I could attend doctor's appointments. He did not require me to attend every meeting if I was having a particularly difficult day. He checked in with me regularly to see how I was doing. His support made a huge difference in my ability to stay at work. I could manage my symptoms while still doing my job. Within a few months, my symptoms started to improve as I got my HRT dialed in. My brain fog lifted. My memory improved. My anxiety decreased. I was able to perform at a higher level again. Looking back, I am so grateful I did not quit. But I also know that I would not have survived it without my boss's compassion.

What my routine looks like now

I am still at the same job, three months after starting HRT. I am performing well. I am not having hot flashes in meetings anymore. I am focused and engaged. I am not snapping at colleagues. I am actually enjoying my work again. The perimenopause symptoms are not completely gone, but they are manageable enough that they do not prevent me from doing my job. I started using PeriPlan to log my symptoms and I can see that on days when I take my HRT consistently, my work performance is better. That visibility has reinforced that the decision to get treatment was the right one.

If you are struggling at work because of perimenopause symptoms and you are thinking about making a major change like quitting, I would encourage you to first talk to your doctor about treatment options. You might find that with proper treatment, you do not need to make that major change. Of course, if you have other reasons for wanting to change jobs, that is valid too. But do not let perimenopause symptoms that are potentially manageable drive you out of a job you actually like. What worked for me is not medical advice, and what your body needs may be completely different. Always talk to your healthcare provider about your specific situation before making changes. If your perimenopause symptoms are significantly affecting your work performance, that is worth discussing with your provider. They can help you figure out treatment options that could help.

This content is for informational purposes only and does not replace medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider about your specific situation.