Leaving A Toxic Relationship Healed My Perimenopause

My perimenopause symptoms were terrible. My hot flashes were uncontrollable. My mood swings were severe. My anxiety was through the roof. I was blaming perimenopause for destroying my mental health. Then I left my toxic marriage and something surprising happened. My symptoms improved dramatically. It turns out my marriage was one of the biggest triggers of my symptoms.

How I got here

I had been married for 25 years. My husband had become increasingly critical and controlling. He criticized my appearance. He controlled our finances. He was emotionally abusive. I had become smaller and smaller trying to please him and avoid his criticism. When perimenopause started, the stress of living in a toxic marriage combined with perimenopause symptoms created a perfect storm. I was miserable. My symptoms were severe. I was depressed. I thought perimenopause was destroying me. I did not realize that my marriage was one of the main sources of my suffering.

What I actually did

I went to therapy and my therapist helped me see that my marriage was toxic. I had been making excuses for my husband's behavior. I had been blaming myself. My therapist helped me see that I did not deserve to be treated that way. I decided to leave. The decision was terrifying. I was afraid of being alone. I was afraid of financial insecurity. But I was more afraid of spending the rest of my life in a toxic marriage. I left. I moved into an apartment. I started building a new life.

What actually changed

My perimenopause symptoms improved. My hot flashes decreased by half within the first month. My anxiety decreased. My mood improved. My sleep improved. I realized that my husband's criticism and control had been a constant source of stress that was amplifying my perimenopause symptoms. When I removed that stress, my body started to heal. Yes, I still had perimenopause symptoms. But they were manageable. They were no longer combined with the trauma of being in a toxic relationship.

What my routine looks like now

I live alone and I love it. I have peaceful mornings. I have time to take care of myself. I do yoga. I see a therapist. I spend time with friends. I track my symptoms using PeriPlan and I can see the massive improvement since I left my toxic marriage. I am healing not just from perimenopause but from the trauma of years of emotional abuse.

If you are in a toxic relationship and you are struggling with perimenopause, please know that your relationship might be amplifying your symptoms. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. You deserve to be safe. If you are experiencing abuse, please reach out to a domestic violence hotline for support. This is not medical advice about perimenopause. But removing yourself from a toxic situation is medicine.