I Stopped Apologizing for My Symptoms

Where I Started

I was apologizing for everything. 'Sorry I'm being irritable.' 'Sorry I need to step outside for a hot flash.' 'Sorry I can't focus right now.' 'Sorry my period is early and I'm emotional.' I'd apologize for taking up space with my perimenopause. I'd apologize for not being the version of myself that people expected. I'd apologize for being inconvenient, which is what perimenopause felt like. An inconvenience. Something I should be managing silently so as not to bother anyone else. By 45, my apologies had become so automatic that I barely registered them. But my daughter called me out on it. She said, 'Mom, you're having a normal human biological experience. Stop apologizing for existing.' That landed hard.

The Turning Point

I realized I'd internalized a message that my symptoms were shameful. That I should hide them. That I should manage them silently. That needing accommodations or modifications to my life was a burden on others. But why? Why was I apologizing for a normal life stage? Why did I feel shame about something I couldn't control? I started noticing how much energy I was spending on managing other people's discomfort with my perimenopause instead of managing my own symptoms. That was exhausting. I decided to stop.

Here's What I Did

In October, I stopped apologizing. Not aggressively. Just simply. If I had a hot flash, I'd say, 'I'm having a hot flash' instead of 'Sorry, I'm having a hot flash.' If I needed to reschedule something because of symptoms, I'd say, 'I need to reschedule' instead of 'I'm so sorry, I'm having a rough perimenopause day.' If I was irritable, I'd say, 'I'm managing some intense hormonal shifts right now' instead of 'Sorry, I'm being bitchy.' The language shift was surprisingly powerful. It reframed my symptoms from something shameful to something factual. By November, I was also setting boundaries. I told my boss that I needed flexible work-from-home options during difficult symptom days. I told my partner that I needed space on days when my anxiety was high. I told my friends that some days I couldn't do social things because I was managing symptoms. And instead of apologizing for these boundaries, I stated them matter-of-factly. By December, I realized that people respected the boundaries much more when I wasn't apologizing for them.

When It Worked

The first time someone asked if I was okay during a hot flash and I simply said, 'Yes, I'm having a hot flash' without apologizing, I felt something shift inside me. I was claiming space. I was refusing to be ashamed. And the person I was talking to just... accepted it. They didn't need me to apologize. They just needed information. That revelation changed everything. By February, I was publicly honest about perimenopause in ways I'd never been before. I mentioned it in work conversations. I talked about it with friends. I was matter-of-fact about needing accommodations. And people responded with respect and support, not judgment.

What Changed for Me

Stopping apologizing gave me back my dignity. I stopped seeing myself as broken or inconvenient. I started seeing myself as a woman navigating a normal life stage. That shift changed how I move through the world. I have less anxiety because I'm not spending energy managing other people's comfort. I have more confidence because I'm claiming space instead of shrinking. My relationships improved because I was being authentic instead of apologetic. People actually like the real version of me better than the apologetic version. I'm also modeling something important for other women. When I stopped apologizing, I gave other women permission to stop apologizing too.

For You

You don't owe anyone an apology for perimenopause. It's not shameful. It's not your fault. It's a normal biological transition that your body is going through. Stop apologizing. State your needs. Set your boundaries. And do it without guilt. You're not being difficult or demanding. You're being human. Your symptoms are real. Your needs are legitimate. You deserve to take up space.

This is one woman's personal experience and does not replace medical advice. Everyone's perimenopause journey is different. Consult your healthcare provider before making significant changes to your health routine.