Rejecting Cultural Beauty Standards Freed Me During Perimenopause

I was looking at myself in the mirror at 47 and criticizing everything. My skin had changed. My body had changed. My face had changed. I had internalized the cultural message that these changes were bad, that I should fight against them, that I should try to look younger. Then I had a realization. My body was not wrong. The standards were wrong. The cultural expectations were wrong. Once I rejected those standards, I was free.

How I got here

I had spent my whole life managing my appearance to match cultural beauty standards. I had dieted. I had exercised obsessively. I had bought expensive skincare. I had colored my hair. I had done everything in my power to look young and beautiful by conventional standards. Then perimenopause changed my body in ways I could not control. My skin became drier. Lines deepened. My body redistributed fat. I got wrinkles. I developed age spots. My hair grayed. I was devastated. I felt like my value was disappearing along with my youth. I started trying even harder to fight the aging. But it was exhausting. It was painful. It was futile.

What I actually did

I stopped fighting. I stopped trying to look younger. I stopped buying expensive anti-aging products. I stopped criticizing my face and body. I started paying attention to my skin's actual needs instead of trying to erase aging. I moisturized because my skin was dry, not because I was trying to look younger. I moved my body because I liked how it felt, not because I was trying to maintain a certain appearance. I let my hair go gray instead of coloring it. And slowly, I stopped seeing myself as ugly. I started seeing myself as real. I started seeing the lines on my face as evidence of my life. I started seeing my body as a living, breathing organism that was doing its best to keep me alive and healthy. I started judging beauty by different standards.

What actually changed

My relationship with my appearance transformed. I stopped comparing myself to younger women. I stopped comparing myself to impossible standards. I stopped spending so much time and money trying to look a certain way. I felt more at home in my body. I felt more at peace with my appearance. I had more energy because I was not constantly trying to fight against aging. I felt more authentic. The irony is that I think I look better now than I did when I was obsessing over looking young. I look more at peace. More real. More myself.

What my routine looks like now

I take care of my skin because it feels good and because I like taking care of myself. I move my body because I enjoy it. I wear clothes that feel good on my body instead of trying to hide or minimize my body. I use PeriPlan to track my overall wellbeing and I notice that my mental health is better when I am not obsessing over my appearance. I have reclaimed so much time and energy by letting go of impossible beauty standards.

If you are struggling with how your appearance is changing during perimenopause, remember that you are not wrong. Your body is not wrong. The cultural standards are wrong. You do not have to fight against your body's natural aging. You can accept it. You can honor it. You can be beautiful at any age by your own standards. This is not medical advice about appearance or body image. If you are struggling with body image or eating disorders, please talk to a mental health professional.