When I Finally Told My Family About Perimenopause Everything Changed

I was snapping at my kids. I was short with my partner. I was exhausted and irritable and I was making everyone around me miserable. My family did not understand what was happening. They thought I was being unreasonable. They thought I was being moody for no reason. They did not know that my body was going through a profound transition. So I finally told them. I sat down with my family and I explained what perimenopause was. I explained that my emotions and energy and moods were being affected by hormonal changes. I explained that it was not their fault. It was not something they had done. It was something happening in my body. The reaction was not what I expected. They actually listened. They actually cared. And everything changed.

How I got here

I had been keeping my perimenopause struggle to myself. I did not talk about it with my family. I thought they would not understand. I thought it was embarrassing. I thought it was something I should just handle privately. So I suffered in silence. I was struggling with symptoms but I did not tell anyone what was going on. My family just saw someone who was irritable and tired and emotionally volatile. They did not have context for my behavior. So they interpreted it as me being mean or moody or unreasonable. My kids did not understand why their mom was sometimes snapping at them for nothing. My partner did not understand why his wife was sometimes distant and sometimes clingy and sometimes angry. Everyone was confused and frustrated.

What I actually did

I called a family meeting. I was nervous. I did not know how to explain something so personal. But I started talking. I explained that my body was going through perimenopause. I explained what that meant. I explained the symptoms. I explained that my moods and energy were being affected by hormones that I could not control. I told them that it was not their fault. I told them that I was working on managing it. I asked for their patience and understanding. My kids asked questions. How long does it last. Will it get better. Is mom going to be okay. My partner asked how he could help. My family asked what they could do to support me. Everyone suddenly understood that what was happening was not about them. It was about me managing a significant physical transition. And they wanted to help.

What actually changed

Everything changed when my family understood what was happening to my body. They stopped taking my mood swings personally. When I was irritable, they understood that it was hormones, not them. When I was tired, they did not judge me for resting. When I was emotional, they were patient. My kids started saying things like 'Mom is going through perimenopause, that is why she is tired' instead of being hurt by my shortness. My partner started asking what I needed instead of assuming. The household atmosphere changed because everyone understood what was happening and everyone wanted to support me. I also stopped feeling ashamed. I stopped feeling like I was burdening my family with my struggle. I realized that sharing what was happening made everyone's life better, including mine.

What my routine looks like now

I talk openly with my family about my perimenopause. I let them know when I am having a rough day. I explain what I am experiencing. I ask for the help and support I need. My family checks in on me. They ask how I am feeling. They offer support. I track my symptoms and my moods using PeriPlan and I share the patterns with my family so they can understand when I am likely to be struggling. My kids have learned about perimenopause. They have learned empathy. My partner has learned how to support me. My family has learned about something that affects millions of women. Everyone is better informed and more supportive.

If you are keeping your perimenopause struggle to yourself, I would encourage you to tell your family. Have the conversation. Explain what is happening to your body. Let them understand. They might surprise you with their compassion and their willingness to help. You do not have to suffer alone.