Perimenopause Sex Toys Guide: What Helps, What to Look For, and How to Choose
Sex toys during perimenopause can support comfort, arousal, and vaginal health. Here is a practical, non-judgmental guide to choosing and using them well.
Why Sex Toys Are Worth Discussing in a Perimenopause Context
Sex toys are not just for novelty. During perimenopause, when arousal can take longer, sensation can shift, and libido may be lower, products designed to provide consistent, direct stimulation can make sexual activity more accessible and more enjoyable. They can help with solo sex and with partnered intimacy. Thinking about them as tools that support sexual health rather than as something vaguely embarrassing is a more useful frame.
Vibrators: The Most Relevant Category for Most Women
Vibrators are the most commonly used and most studied category for women's sexual pleasure. During perimenopause, vibrators that provide external clitoral stimulation tend to be particularly effective because they offer consistent, reliable stimulation that does not depend on lubrication. Adjustable intensity settings allow you to find the right level, which may differ from what worked previously. Air-pulse or suction-style vibrators, which provide indirect pressure rather than direct contact, are reported by many women as effective when direct vibration feels too intense.
Vaginal Dilators for Dryness and Tightness
Vaginal dilators are medical devices, available without prescription, that are used to gently stretch vaginal tissue and maintain elasticity. During perimenopause, vaginal atrophy can cause tissue thinning and narrowing that makes penetration uncomfortable or painful. Using dilators progressively, with plenty of lubricant, can address this. They are often recommended alongside topical vaginal oestrogen for women experiencing significant discomfort. A pelvic floor physiotherapist can guide appropriate use if you are unsure where to start.
Materials and Safety
Body-safe materials matter. Medical-grade silicone, glass, stainless steel, and ABS plastic are all non-porous, easy to clean, and safe for use. Avoid products made from jelly rubber, PVC, or anything that is not clearly labelled as body-safe, as these can harbour bacteria and may off-gas chemicals. If you are using a silicone toy, pair it with water-based lubricant only, as silicone lubricant can degrade silicone surfaces. Glass and stainless-steel products are compatible with all lubricant types.
Lubricant Is Not Optional
Whatever products you choose, lubricant is essential during perimenopause. Vaginal dryness means natural lubrication is reduced, and friction without additional moisture causes irritation and discomfort. Water-based lubricants are the most versatile and are safe with all toy materials. Silicone-based lubricants provide a longer-lasting glide and are preferred by many women, but should not be used with silicone toys. Avoid anything with glycerin, parabens, or flavouring if you are prone to irritation or infections.
Starting Simply and Without Pressure
You do not need an extensive collection or expensive products. A single, body-safe vibrator with adjustable intensity and a good lubricant covers most of what perimenopause specifically calls for. Reputable retailers, including dedicated sexual health shops and medically-focused websites, provide clearer safety information than general marketplaces. The goal is comfort and enjoyment on your own terms. Starting simply, seeing what works for your body now, and adjusting from there is the most practical approach.
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