Perimenopause and Self-Compassion: How to Be Kinder to Yourself Through the Transition
Perimenopause is hard enough without the inner critic making it worse. Learn practical ways to practise self-compassion during this demanding transition.
Why Self-Compassion Matters More Than Ever
Perimenopause can trigger a particularly harsh inner narrative. You may find yourself berating your body for sweating through a meeting, criticising your brain for losing a word mid-sentence, or feeling shame about moods you cannot fully control. This self-criticism is understandable, but it compounds the stress that is already making your symptoms worse. Self-compassion, treating yourself with the same warmth you would offer a friend going through something difficult, is not soft thinking. Research consistently links it to better emotional regulation, lower anxiety, and greater resilience.
What Self-Compassion Is Not
A common misunderstanding is that self-compassion means making excuses or lowering your standards. It does not. It means acknowledging difficulty honestly rather than denying it or drowning in it. Saying 'this is hard and I am struggling' is more accurate and more useful than either 'I am fine' or 'I am falling apart.' Self-compassion creates the psychological space to respond thoughtfully rather than react harshly, both to yourself and to those around you.
The Self-Criticism Trap in Perimenopause
Many women who reach perimenopause have spent decades holding themselves to high standards. They have managed careers, families, and households while keeping their difficulties largely private. Perimenopause, with its unpredictable and visible symptoms, can feel like a failure of that lifelong management project. The gap between how you think you should be performing and how perimenopause is actually affecting you becomes a source of shame. Recognising that this gap exists, that it is caused by biology and not by moral failing, is the first step out of the trap.
Small Practices That Build Self-Compassion
You do not need to overhaul your mindset overnight. Small, consistent practices help. When you notice self-criticism, try pausing and asking: would I say this to a friend in the same situation? If not, try rewording it. When something difficult happens, acknowledge both the difficulty and your effort to manage it. Build in small acts of physical care, a few minutes outside, a warm drink before the day starts, enough rest. These are not treats. They are maintenance for someone doing a hard thing.
Self-Compassion and Other People
An unexpected benefit of practising self-compassion during perimenopause is that it tends to reduce harshness toward others too. When you stop holding yourself to an impossible standard, it becomes easier to extend the same generosity to your partner, your children, and your colleagues. The irritability that can accompany perimenopause is often worsened by an underlying expectation that everything, including yourself, should be working perfectly. Releasing that expectation even partially creates more room for genuine connection.
When to Seek More Support
Self-compassion is a useful everyday tool, but it is not a substitute for professional support when things are genuinely difficult. If you are dealing with persistent low mood, anxiety that is significantly affecting your life, or symptoms that are not being managed, please talk to your GP. Hormonal treatment, therapy, or both may make a substantial difference. Being kind to yourself includes asking for help when you need it, not just managing quietly.
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