I Discovered New Joy and Passion Through Perimenopause

I had spent my entire adult life trying to be who I thought I was supposed to be. I was a good employee. I was a good wife. I was a good mother. I was responsible. I was reliable. I was dependable. But I was not particularly joyful. I was not doing things that made me feel alive. I was not pursuing anything for myself. Then perimenopause hit and somehow, in the middle of struggling with hot flashes and brain fog and mood swings, I discovered that I wanted to try things. New things. Things just for me. I started taking art classes. I started hiking. I started gardening. I started writing. All of these things were things I had never had time for before. All of these things were things I did not think I was good at. All of these things brought me more joy than I had felt in years. Perimenopause was supposed to be a time of loss and decline. But for me, it became a time of discovery and joy.

How I got here

For most of my life, I had put everyone else first. My kids needed me. My spouse needed me. My job needed me. There was never time for me. And honestly, I did not think I deserved time for me. That was selfish. That was indulgent. That was not how good people operated. Good people sacrificed. Good people took care of others. Good people did their duty. I had internalized this belief so deeply that by the time I hit perimenopause, I had completely lost touch with what I wanted. I did not know what brought me joy. I did not know what I was interested in. I did not know who I was outside of the roles that I was playing. My entire identity was wrapped up in taking care of other people. Then perimenopause came along and it messed everything up. My energy levels changed. My priorities shifted. My body started forcing me to slow down. And in that slowness, I started asking myself questions I had never asked before. What do I actually want? What brings me joy? What would I do if I was not trying to be perfect? What would I try if I was not afraid of failing?

What I actually did

I started small. I saw a flyer for an art class at the community center and I signed up. I had no art experience. I was sure I was going to be terrible. But I went anyway. The first class was awkward and I felt out of place but also something shifted. I was doing something just for me. I was trying something new. I was not succeeding at anything in particular but I was enjoying the process. I kept going to the class. I discovered that I loved painting. Not because I was good at it, but because the process of putting paint on canvas made me feel calm and creative. After a few weeks of art class, I decided to try hiking. I had never been a particularly outdoorsy person but I wanted to try it. I started with easy trails. Now I do harder trails. I love being outside. I love the feeling of my body moving through space. I love the fresh air and the quiet. Then I tried gardening. I grew things. I killed some things. But I was growing things. I was watching something grow that I planted. I was creating something outside of myself. Most recently, I started writing. I joined a writing group. I am writing about my perimenopause experience. I am writing fiction. I am writing poetry. I am terrible at all of these things, probably. But I do not care. The point is not to be good at them. The point is that I am doing things that make me feel alive. I am discovering parts of myself that I had forgotten existed.

What actually changed

My sense of self expanded. I went from being only the roles that I played to being a person with my own interests and passions. I went from thinking that taking care of myself was selfish to understanding that taking care of myself made me a better person. I went from living for everyone else to living for myself too. It seems like such a small shift but it changed everything. I am happier. I am more creative. I am more confident. I am more interesting. I am more interested in my own life. My kids noticed the change. They saw their mom doing things that made her happy and they respected that. My spouse noticed the change. He saw me becoming more confident and more passionate and he actually became more attracted to me. My work performance improved because I was not burned out. Everything got better when I started doing things that brought me joy.

What my routine looks like now

I protect time for the things that bring me joy. I go to art class. I go hiking. I garden. I write. I do these things not because I am good at them or because they are going to lead anywhere. I do them because they bring me joy. I also manage my perimenopause symptoms intentionally. I track my patterns using PeriPlan so I understand how my energy levels and mood fluctuate. When I know I am going to be lower energy, I plan gentler activities. When I know I am going to be higher energy, I plan more challenging hikes or more intensive art projects. I sleep well because I am satisfied with how I am living. My symptoms are less severe because I am happy and fulfilled. I am doing the things that matter to me and that has made everything better, including my perimenopause.

If you are going through perimenopause and you feel like you have lost yourself, I want you to know that perimenopause might be an opportunity to find yourself again. What do you want? What brings you joy? What would you do if you were not trying to be perfect? What would you try if you were not afraid of failing? Give yourself permission to try new things. Give yourself permission to be a beginner. Give yourself permission to do things just for you. That is not selfish. That is how you become a whole person. That is how you find joy again.